Getting your needs met...

Oh, to have a perfectly intuitive partner, one that just instantly knows what we need and want, and is able to deliver them magically to us. That is great for young protagonists in Victorian romance novels, but in the real world, it rarely works that way. 

The way adults get their needs met in relationships is to ASK. 

This seems entirely more controversial than it should be to some people. Over and over again I have heard from clients "well my partner should just KNOW...". This is a recipe for at the best disappointment, and at the worst severe emotional upheaval. 

For example, it may be very important for a wife if her husband accompany her to Sunday dinner with her family. Over time, perhaps the husband has not attended a few dinners, and comes to believe it is not that important, since his wife hasn't said anything. Meanwhile the wife becomes increasingly frustrated and resentful because "he should just know" that she wants him at dinner. So this resentment bubbles to the top and creates other conflicts that have nothing to do with dinner with the in-laws. Arguments spring from nowhere and intimacy suffers, because she is not getting her needs met, which would frustrate any of us. 

In this situation, everyone would be far better off if the wife stated her needs directly. "Honey, I am not sure if you realize how important Sunday dinner is with my parents. I really need you to come with me so I can feel like part of a connected family". This will most likely spark a very different conversation than "you should KNOW I want you at Sunday dinner!" and will give the husband an opportunity to meet this need. A good person in a healthy relationship wants to please their partner. 

All of this holds true regardless if it is about household chores, financial concerns, sex, or anything else that could concern a couple.  While the other person "just knowing" may have a certain romantic swoon-inducing quality, in the real world we look for solutions.

Ask for what you need. I would be delighted to help you and your partner learn to do this effortlessly and automatically.